While I cannot fully understand the depth of your emotions, it may be helpful to consider seeking professional support from therapists, counselors, or support groups. They can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings, work through the trauma, and explore ways to heal and find peace.
Remember that forgiveness does not mean condoning or forgetting what happened, but rather finding a way to release the burden of anger and resentment for your own well-being. It is a personal choice and journey that can be different for everyone.
Take your time to process your emotions and seek the support you need to heal. Surround yourself with understanding and compassionate individuals who can offer empathy and guidance. You deserve care, understanding, and a future filled with hope and resilience.