Forgiveness is often touted as a virtue, a way to heal and move forward. However, some wounds run so deep that they seem impossible to forgive. My relationship with my parents is one such wound, and I find myself unable to extend forgiveness to them.
Growing up, I always felt like an outsider in my own home. My parents were strict, demanding perfection in everything I did. While discipline is essential, their approach was harsh and unyielding. Every mistake was met with severe punishment, and praise was a rarity. Their expectations were so high that I constantly felt like a failure, no matter how hard I tried.
Emotional neglect was another significant issue. My parents were physically present but emotionally distant. They rarely expressed love or affection, leaving me to question my worth. The lack of emotional support led to feelings of loneliness and abandonment. I longed for a kind word or a comforting hug, but those moments were few and far between.
The turning point came during my teenage years. As I struggled with my identity and self-worth, their disapproval and criticism only intensified. My attempts to seek their understanding and support were met with disdain and rejection. Instead of being a source of comfort, my parents became a source of pain.
The scars of my childhood have followed me into adulthood. I have spent years in therapy, trying to heal and move on from the emotional trauma inflicted by my parents. While I have made significant progress, the pain remains. Forgiveness feels impossible when the hurt is still so raw and real.
Many people advocate for forgiveness, saying it is essential for personal healing. However, I believe that forgiveness is a personal choice, and it is not something that can be forced. In my case, forgiveness feels like a betrayal of my own experiences and emotions. It feels like letting my parents off the hook for the immense pain they caused.
Instead of forgiving, I have chosen to focus on healing and building a life for myself. I have surrounded myself with people who love and support me, creating a new family that values me for who I am. While I may never forgive my parents, I have found peace in creating a life that brings me joy and fulfillment.
In conclusion, forgiveness is a complex and deeply personal process. For some, it may be a path to healing. For others, like myself, it may feel unattainable. My parents’ actions have left deep scars, and while I have moved on in many ways, forgiveness remains out of reach. I have chosen to prioritize my healing and well-being, creating a life that allows me to thrive despite the past.